A Dangerous Temptation

In the space that is our laundry/mud room, I carved out a tiny plot of 'land' for myself.

I've always wanted a little space to call my own, and with this house, I have found it.It was here that I gave in to temptation several nights ago.

I knew I should not do it.

It was a website that has produced tragic results that rocked my reality.

Even though the results were unconfirmed. Imaginary. Guess work.

The website? WebMD.com

I have a rather large lesion on the fouth "digit" of my left hand-my ring finger. They refer to it as 'digit' at all of the doctor visits I've been to. I do not care for the term and wonder why they have to show off by using it. Why do they not just say 'finger'?? Is there some other unknown-to-the-common-person body part that rhymes too closely that could cause potential misdiagnosis? ("Oh! Here I thought you came here today to have me look at the lesion on your Wing-ger!")

In any case, it's unsightly. No, it's gross. It is huge. And as my friend Emily exclaimed, "It looks like your bodily organs are trying to escape from your finger (ie: digit)!"

The family doctor referred me to a Plastic Surgeon, but not before casually throwing out there, that once it was removed they would probably send it off to perform a biopsy on it...you know, just in case it was 'dangerous'.

Dangerous???

I let out a fake chuckle, then pretended to listen as he seemingly spoke the standard 'blah,blah,bhah'...but my brain cells had jolted to a stand still back at the "D" word, and they were not able to get past it. Even after I had revisited the loose statement with the doctor, and he seemed to think that it was NOT dangerous. But it was too late.

For over a week, I was able to resist. But on Monday, I weakened, welcoming worry to get it's ugly, expansive foot through the door of my mind. I typed 'finger lesion' in the search engine on WebMD in the darkness of my little corner of the house.

Immediately, perilous pages on skin cancer popped on to the screen.

And then right behind them came the images of the six children and my husband, dressed in their Sunday best, standing forlourn at the front of the American Music Theater (naturally. A mere funeral home or church building could not contain the masses, I'm sure). What songs should I pick out? Should I call my sister and ask her to start preparing a few thoughts? Should I call the funeral director right now and if and what kind of bronzing creme they have in stock??

I called my husband immediately at work, of course, and imparted the tragic news. "It looks like I have skin cancer".

I heard the familiar slight chuckle and roll of the eyes (yes, I can hear that). He said "Ok, then."

What a tremendous support system I have.

(I'll admit. It is good he does not play into my dramatic, reality altering, self-diagnosis)

Yesterday, I had a consultation with a Plastic Surgeon (our local surgical practice does not 'do' fingers). She took a good look and said it does NOT appear to be anything dangerous, almost certain it is not a rare-or any-form of skin cancer.

I came home with a new lease on life! I hugged my husband and children with renewed gratitude, realizing that once again, I had created a false reality in which I had allowed my emotions and attitudes to operate under. What a fool! Again! When will I learn??? (My cheeky husband told the children to 'forget everything I told you about Olga"--the Russian Mail-Order Nanny he had "ordered" through Ebay due to the impending "loss". Throughout the rest of the day he kept saying "Thank God for PayPal...I'll get the money back!")

If it had been skin cancer, I would have undoubtably been given what I need to walk through that journey. In any case, the internet and all it's medical information can be a gift from God or a tool of the devil. It's all in how I use it!

So here is to a day of resisting tempation, living in the reality of what we know to be true and being grateful that God walks beside us all the way! (and knows all the digits on our being!)

Look at the birds, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, careless in the care of God. And you count far more to him than birds.

-Matthew 6