In The Middle of PeriLand

Are you in your late thirties or in your forties?


Have you always considered yourself a reasonable, nice(ish) person?


Do you love the benefits that come with age, such as wisdom and the refining of what you truly care (and don't care) about?


Yet do you also ever wonder....


...If you're going a little bit crazy?


...Why your body doesn't agree with the age you're mind still tells you you are (twenty-eight)?


If so, this may be for you.














I sat in the dark of my room, door locked to keep myself separated from the fray more as an act of protection for them than a survival mechanism for me (although it was that too). The changes I was seeing were gradual but steady and increasingly infringing in my life, so much so that my family has come to believe Cruella DeVille makes a cameo into our family life about once a month, for several days. If only they knew HOW HARD Cruella tries to keep her low simmering rage at bay...she doesn't like the way she is any more than they do. My husband can always tell when Cruella's appearance is nigh, but he's smart enough to not make mention of it and tries his best to act surprised when, on occasion, he's told that she's here for a visit. For both me- an average, nice(ish), God-fearing and loving woman- these darker feelings I've been unwillingly overtaken by for brief snippets is only a small part of the changes I've noticed as I've settled into my forties, a decade I otherwise, so far, am very happy to be in. And so in the dark, phone perched on my bloated belly (because I ate spinach, or maybe it was the afternoon coffee), I took a deep dive into Google to try and find a little understanding.


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For many (but certainly not all) women fortunate to approach and reach our forties, there is a series of "conditions" which are cause for pause...of the Perimeno sort. The years preceding The Great Change (menopause) are marked with their own distinctive perils, but if you Google that word, you will find 98% of the websites you click on offer a very generic, bland description of the symptoms which forced you to a search engine in the first place. No one really talks about it, nor does Peri feel as legit as her older sister, Meno. But just because it might not FEEL as legit does not make it less a reality.


So, should you have found this post while Googling "Perimenopausal rage and other symptoms" or the like, you've come to the right place. I have consulted a few friends and we've compiled a short list of what is "normal" if you're in smack dab in the middle of the middle of life.


You might be in Peri-Land if you...


...find yourself fingering a stiff hair (or three) in the lower chin region that you somehow missed in your morning pluck session. You can barely resist touching it, all at once repulsed and zealous in your desire to locate a tweezer before a healthy goatee forms.


...have a middle section that seems to have grown a protective inner-tube like circle around your entire body. Handles appear desirous to stay securely in place towards the back and you consider that perhaps if small children would ever need something to hang on to in rushing waters, they would come in very handy and might even save a life.


...find yourself wanting to eliminate the handles you have in the back and the soft, overlapping skin in the front. But it seems no matter what you do, they really like where they are and when it comes down to it, you know your body will never be it's 21 year old version again. And you find yourself doing the hard work of accepting it.


...You have a bad cough and pack extra pants for work just in case you have an accident in public. You worry about sneezing too hard and avoid jumping on trampolines without necessary protection.


...You find bra shopping as desirable as a root canal, sans Novocaine. Akin to finding a suitable container for a stretched tube sock with a golf ball at it's bottom, good support is hard to find.


...You cannot handle repetitive sounds, tapping, mouth noises, questions and utterances of your name, especially during choice days of any given month. One utterance too many and you are prone to loosing it, causing looks of caution and "back away from the mother" warnings to be given in code.


...You find the most frequent workout in your week is bouncing back and forth between issues with your children and issues with yourself. You find yourself in moments of despair, wondering how it will all pan out (and if you'll avoid a nervous tick in the end).


... You hope that the neighbors didn't see you throwing your child's scooters across the driveway, screaming and then grabbing the keys and driving out of the driveway as though you just got a police call.


... You desire more and more to keep things simple and care less about trends and what others are doing.


...You value sleep over early morning workouts.


...Your “smile lines” stay even when you stop smiling!


...You truly enjoy going to bed at 9pm, “puttering” around the house and find you have developed a fondness for plants and bird watching (neither which talk back to you).


...You start sounding like you mom, saying things you swore you'd never say (probably while fingering a chin hair).


...You notice the beauty you never knew you had until it was fading, yet also the strength, determination, and utter contentment with who you are and where you are in life.


... You also (even with the above being true) realize you are getting older and time isn't on your side, and you wonder if you have the courage to do something new, even now.


...You, if you're raising children, realize how not-that-far-below-the-surface your own middle school self is. No one told you that fighting the instinct to project your own insecurities and experiences on your child and their experiences would be a mole you have to continually wack.



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This list is just a small representation of the every-day symptoms of the gritty and good sort that many real women have shared with me, along with a few of my own (and Cruella's) observations. Feel free to add your own in the comments below. Writing them out can be downright therapeutic.


You may have experienced some, all and or any of these at any given time, all the while being deeply grateful for the life you have. You're just doing the best you can. You may have no idea what on earth this list is talking about...and if so, good for you (but we probably won't be close friends). I know there are plenty of ways to practically approach all of these things, but none compare with being open and honest with each other about the struggles, be they weak or strong, tiny or tall. I hope this little article can give at least one woman in this middle place the feeling of being understood as they grow up and onward and into an even more beautiful, strong version of themselves. We all need each other in the middle of whatever land we find ourselves in. It's hard be human. Be gentle with yourself, and the woman throwing scooters across the driveway next door.