Mother's Day

This morning as I was putzing around, getting our house back in order after our wonderful friends from out-of-state left from our weekend together, my thoughts turned to a Mother's Day 5 years ago. The day came less than 3 months after I had delivered our little girl, Hope, who had grown in my womb and also left this earth in my womb. A month or so later, I became pregnant again, but at 5 weeks, miscarried. I could not ignore the fact that it was Mother's Day, but it was bittersweet. Bitter because of what was never realized. Sweet, because I had a mother worth celebrating, whose encouragement and love had made the valley I was walking a little bit more bearable.


This picture was captured on Christmas Day with hope in my heart (we had no idea of the troublesome issues) and, as we came to find out later, Hope in my womb.

Today I want to recognize the women who are mother's, but

...have no visable proof of it.

...whose arms are so achingly empty.

...who have the unfairness of life slapped across their beings, when they see the 15 year old mother at the grocery store, carrying around her baby like a rag doll.

...whose hearts drop a thousand miles when they hear yet another happy announcement from their friend/co-worker/sister/acquaintance that they are expecting.

...whose disappointment runs far deeper with pain sharper than the average woman who realizes it's the first day of her monthly period.

...who has to be far more gracious than she feels she has the strength to be when well meaning people (when they actually choose to acknowledge the loss) say things like "Well, your baby is in a better place". (No kidding. BUT I WANT HER HERE!!!!!).

...who, if she had a baby who she birthed and knew by name, that her child would be verbally recognized by those she knows and loves. Just because a child is not physically here, does not mean they should be forgotten. If she could say, she would plead "Please remember". I'll never forget the card I received from my mom on Mother's Day that year. She wrote "Hope will always be a special part of our family."

She was remembered. By name.

And today, if I personally know you-a mother who has known loss of any kind, you are being prayed for by name. If I do not, please feel free to email/comment and share your story. Your experience is important to me, and I honor the role of mother you have carried out even in the pain.

If you know of someone today, do not be afraid of the tears that may come by approaching and acknowledging the little life whose earthly presence is missed more than you can know. Those tears are healing, and your simple mention of their tiny soul can water a mother's hurting heart.

One more thing:

For those of us who have to wait for the other side of Heaven to hold our little loves, let me tell you what I firmly believe: Having their arms around our necks in a place that is vibrantly colorful in it's perfection on every level will make even the best Mother's Day on this side of Heaven look like a bland shade of beige.

Just wait....(and I am so deeply sorry that you have to), the BEST is yet to come.

Comments

Debbie said…
You wrote that so well and with so much compassion and empathy; I know it is a special blessing to someone out here. When my eldest daughter was about 5months old, I realized I was pregnant again. Even though it was unexpected, I was very excited and looked forward to having my first two close together. Shortly after my pregnancy was confirmed by the doctor, I began to bleed and the pregnancy ended in a miscarriage.
I was so disappointed. I wondered if it would have been a boy or a girl, what the baby would have been like. Again, within a couple of months, I realized I was pregnant again. That pregnancy resulted in my youngest daughter Emily.
If I had not lost the baby, I wouldn't have had Emily or known the difference. For a long time I didn't give it much thought, but now I think of that baby often and I know he/she is in heaven. Such a mystery to know I have a child I've never met. I hope to get to meet Baby someday. Thanks for sharing your story too.
Hugs, Debbie
our hearts were united today.
i love you.
you are amazing.
i don't just SAY those things, my heart truly feels them.
Becky A. Schick said…
Thank you, Jeané. I so agree, but am sure I am not always as empathetic as you can be. So many people have lost little ones, but no one seems to speak about it, and when they do, it seems so off-the-cuff. I appreciate what you put down.
I am so thankful for your caring, compassionate heart dear daughter. With sadness I remember your precious little Hope. I pray this speaks to someone today, who might be going through a similar situation. You shared it beautifully from your heart.
Anonymous said…
may you be blessed.
what sweet compassionate words.
KathyB. said…
This is a very special and heartfelt post that must speak for so many who mourn on Mother's Day while flowers and accolades are being handed out ( rightly so) in churches and so many events are going on celebrating Mother-hood. A childless mother, or motherless child, even a grown motherless child has a deep heartache.I especially love the last few lines of this post. Bless you~
Tender and compassionate. Thank you, my friend. Thankful the HOPE of eternity and for the PURPOSE in the pain.
Michelle said…
:) That's all I am able to say, is a smile. For you. Thanks, friend.
Jen said…
Beautiful and true. Until Reunion Day...
Love, Jen
Anonymous said…
Hello Jeane,

Your words are so beautiful, and you capture the true pain and joy of motherhood. You are blessed to have such a special Mom. On that Mother's Day years ago, her card was her way of mothering you and comforting you through your loss. I hope your words bring comfort to others who are experiencing loss in this way.

Like you and some of the other women commenters, I too have experienced a miscarriage. It occurred between my son and oldest daughter. I had tried for two and half years to get pregnant (lots of money, prayer, and hope invested)only to lose that precious baby at ten weeks. One special part of the process was that the hospital where my miscarriage occurred is a Catholic hospital, and they have services commemorating babies lost to miscarriage and abortion. The service for our babies was so sad, but I truly felt that by my presence I was honoring my baby and acknowledging the love I felt.

Blessings to you, and thank you so much for sharing your story. You are so special:)

~Debi in Minnesota

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