Kitchen Table Chats

Sunday night, November 7, 2010.

7:30pm, Eastern Standard Time.

Tonight I made apple pie.

Cut apples, cinnamon sugar, crust and all.

To have witnessed the environment in which it was made, one could

become highly suspicious that the overwhelmed baker was overtly

trying to get committed.

"She slipped into white on apple pie night"...

I can already read the poem penned by my

dear melancholy daughter's future journal.

In any case, I made it through another day with my sanity (barely) in tact,

and now have a piece of warm apple pie as my reward.

All is quiet, and i thought I would journal a few highlights from the week we are leaving behind:

The highlights are women who either graced my kitchen table or whose table I was fortunate enough to sit around and the conversations that came forth.

With the exception of one, these women are newly-found friends within the past year. Newly found, and yet it is so easy to be in their presence, it feels like they've been there all along! I would love to introduce "the women of my week" to you, and share a nugget from our conversations. Without further adieu, let's meander down the Coffee Cottage's imaginary street and do a little 'meet~n~greet'!

 First, meet Kristen.

Yes, she really is that pretty. Even in sweats, which is what she warned me she would be wearing anytime past 7:30pm. I like her for that, and eagerly donned my ratty tatty black Capri sweatpants on my way to her place for our arranged 'after hours' non-play date. Her home is similar in form to the duplex we moved from last year, and instantly I feel right at home...and not only that, but i want to soak up every little detail of her decor, as one could swear she shops at Pottery Barn, even though we're in the same 'just-gaze-at-the-catalog-and-hope-for-something-that-looks-similar boat!

But enough about the home...it was the way she listened that reminded me what a skill, what a gift the act of involved, grace-filled listening is.  I also appreciate how REAL Kristen is. Right off the bat. (You'll see it if you are smart enough to take a trip to her little online domain, Raw Motherhood).My favorite quote of the night was:

"We ALL have a Junior High girl living inside our heads!"

Maybe my childhood Sunday School teacher doesn't (Betty McCarty, if you're there, do you??), but I think she nailed it for the large majority of us!

Next, is my actual neighbor and friend, Sandy.

Sandy is a picture of strength, even though she is physically weak.

Since the birth of her precious son nearly four years ago, she has had to painfully learn to live with the rare form of Dysautonomia (POTS), which sends the nervous system into chaos.

{For example: "because of the ANS' inability to regulate motion, blood isn't able to travel quickly enough to the brain causing dizziness, momentary loss of vision, and syncope (fainting)...One can understand the fatigue by realizing, from the view of the heart, its as if POTS patients are running marathons all day, every day, for years.", taken from www.potsawareness.web.com}.

One of the many frustrating things I have learned about this disease is that there is no cure. Apparently some people recover, but there is little to no explanation for it and those who heal are hard to find. Thus, those who have it do not have many beacons of hope to look forward to in terms of 'recovery'. It is also a disease that is not one that shows upon meeting or seeing the person with it. Sandy always looks like a beauty queen, but inside she's feeling like an invalid old lady.  What is amazing about her STRENGTH...and the millions of moment-to-moment CHOICES she has made in the past four years. She does not have the choice to sit down and stay put in her home, she HAS to...but she does have the choice to not be defined by the pain and she has chosen to LIVE ABOVE it.

I can attest to the fact that while she is totally real, she also sat at my kitchen table for two hours, children running amok, and the woman I saw was one who AROSE ABOVE her CIRCUMSTANCES. She wasn't having a 'good day' (which 'good' is a different definition for her than I!), but she chose to not let her disease define her. She is deep, honest, wise, funny, fashionable, considerate, reflective, open and a tremdenous mom to her son and daughter.

She is teaching and inspiring me in so many ways.

(Her son has become my little guy's new 'best friend' and since she's right down the road, it's easy for her to get here, and a gift for me when she does!)

 ***

Finally, there is my dear second cousin and friend of old, Krista...

This beautiful woman who grew up on a farm, and now has a "herd" of her own (sorry, couldn't help myself), has been a source of personal inspiration for years. After years of silently struggling with infertility, God brought first a son and then, a daughter into their family through the beautiful process of adoption. Krista may have a lesser number of children than I, but 'motherhood' carries a FAR more demanding role for her than for myself. Her precious son has a complex set of developmental factors (he is on the spectrum for autism, but his needs go deeper than that) and I have watched her be his biggest cheerleader, strongest coach and fearless advocate. Seriously, she takes motherhood to a level most of us will never know.

We were discussing life at my kitchen table (over coffee, naturally), and the sad-but-true fact that when one does not have a close brush with the 'messy stuff' of life (ie: Marriages disintegrating, poor choices made by people we love, etc.) it is too easy to see life in black and white...instead of the many shades of gray that it actually is. Our human nature is to want to control, or think we have it, and subject all matters of the heart into easy 'yes' or 'no' fill-in-the-blanks and then use that measuring stick in applying our judgement to the life stories we hear floating around us. In wrapping up that portion of our coffee chat, Krista quietly surmised :

"There are a lot of factors at play..."

Indeed there always are. And usually we don't know the half. When in doubt, apply grace.

***

There...now you have met a few of the woman God put along my path last week. I am happy to have shared them with you in my little virtual cottage!

I leave you with THIS inspiration, sent to me by my ever-so-thoughtful-card-sending Auntie.

Stay sane, my fellow Rocket-Scientists and may your week hold moments of peace and a sense of calm, even if there is very little in your orbit!