Blog Hopping and the Voices in My Head.

11:51am. The beginning of nap/quiet time in my orbit.

There are about 2.2 million things on my 'to-do', of which I am eschewing in favor of satisfying creative hunger that makes me feel a little more human after I partake.

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Today, I have to say that I am struggling with feeling quite insecure.

It is the kind of insecurity that anyone with the blended Sanguine/ Choleric temperament can relate with.

The primary goal for the Choleric is to have Control. For the Sanguine, it is all about Approval (I WILL charm your socks off! You've just gotta love me. How could you not?!).

Both of which feed off interactions and responses of an 'audience'. Socializing energizes those with one or both of these personality styles, while for the Melancholy (who deeply desires Perfection) and the Phlegmatic (please, just give me Peace and Space!!!), the thought of a 'wine and dine' event with perfect strangers sends reverting back into the fetal position. (ok, maybe not..but they would seriously rather have a root canal).

All combinations of personalities have elements that offer this world amazing contributions...and then aspects that are messy to live with, for themselves and for those that live with them.

Today, this is what my personality is telling me as I took a few moments to do something I rarely make time to do:  I blog-hopped.  From one to another to another and then that one too. For the most part, I was enthused. But then I started hearing this conversation start sifting through my subconscious as I was putting away my dishes (that looked cloudy and unclean despite two washings):

The Choleric part of me: You shouldn't even have a blog! Everyone and their mother {who is a mother, wife, friend, daughter, human} already has one and already writes the same things you do, except with more skill and eloquence. And they write daily. And have 6 million followers, probably because they speak at big fancy conferences, where they have a book table in the lobby with their books that sound a lot like the one you've thought of writing.  This is a competition and haven't even left the starting line. Silly little homemade blog!

The Sanguine Side of me: What a downer I am! Let's not dwell in such negative thinking! It's no fun at all! Look at the special friends you have met that you would not have had you no blog to speak of! Why don't you just look forward to that little blog makeover you scheduled last week! That will make you feel better. Let's see what's for lunch!

(It is  way too easy to distract a Sanguine).

This 'conversation' does not just occur where my blog is concerned. WHEN I LET IT, it whispers into other parts of my life...like when I erroneously spend too much time on a certain 'social network site' and I see people looking their best, having a ball weekend after weekend and i begin to feel like a haggard little housewife with no smart social life to speak of or judge my parenting against the mother who seems to balance consistancy, crafting and canning with absolute ease (even though I KNOW "she" wouldn't say it was 'easy'. My mind tends to automatically 'fill-in-the-blanks' for people when i have one-sided conversations with them in my head).

And now that you are ready to run to your nearest white-straight-jacket provider in pursuit of one for a little lady living in a virtual Coffee Cottage of sorts who hears voices in her head, I am going to sign off.

You see, I do know these whisperings are erroneous. They've been whispering, and at times, shouting my entire life. I could be wrong, but I tend to think we all have our own set of voices that tell us what our personalities are prone to easily accept as 'truth', when in fact, they are lies straight from the pit of H-E-Double Hockey Sticks. 

Here is to a refreshing afternoon coffee drink and a renewed mind!