Something More...

On this date, four years ago I typed the words of my very first post.

 {Insert sound of trumpeteers trumpeting here}

I know, I know. It should be a national holiday, but with the upcoming mid-term elections, legislation to make it such has been temporarily shoved under the rug.

Ever wonder if there is more to life than this?

You wake up, put on your patterned polyester mumu, arrange your droopy 'girls' so they drape nicely over the belt and off you putter to the kitchen to baste tonight's turkey for dinner. And so on and so on (give or take a few trillion other large or little duties, tasks and obligations to fulfill).

Flying home from Texas yesterday, I stared out the teensy airplane window onto the vast landscape dotted with thousands of thumbnail-sized rooftops, which probably sheltered hundreds of women who were running around in their bathrobes after small children, folding bath towels and fighting their own battles.

For that day, I was above it all. It was a good reminder, as it always is, of the bigger picture.

During the same flight, I was reading an autobiography. I felt my throat tighten, as the words written in the second chapter  might as well have been my own. "There was a longing inside me that winter, a sense of purpose hovering just beyond my vision. Was it ambition? I didn't think so. Ambition drives; purpose beckons. Purpose calls. I definitely wasn't driven towards any particular goal, like power or fame or wealth So what was it?"

 Tears nearly sprung to the surface as I read those words. And these:

"I don't believe that God put us on earth to be ordinary"

~Lou Holtz

{I realize I am journaling here more than writing to a reader.
Pardon me.}

The written words I read pushed like pressure points on some vague sense I have had for some time. If I let it, I can fear what is ahead that will propel me into whatever it is that I sense will lead me into something different daily life right now. It should be said that I do not feel as though I am of less of a person (although many days I feel little more than a human housekeeping, child rearing factory) in the amazing gift of the motherhood role I've been given. I do not take this important opportunity for granted, nor do I see my wholehearted devotion to the home front as 'less than' anything else. I know this is where I am to be at right now and overall, I immensely enjoy it (and love my crew more than myself). However; I also think there is more...yet I have absolutely no idea what "it" is. This sense both invigorates and scares me(in my more faithless moments). What I do not want to do is foolishly try to rush it or manipulate what I think it may be into fruition.
The time is not yet here.

Good grief! "Get a journal, already!!!", you're probably thinking (and would be justified in doing so!).

I will most certainly consider deleting this tomorrow morning.

Let me insert something else, here, while I have already gone off {the deep end}.

I suspect you may know what I am talking about.

You might be light years ahead of me, having a greater part of your life's adventures clearly illuminated, for better or worse, and you have taken the helm and gone with it...be it through the pain of suffering or the ache of hard-won efforts. Perhaps you're 'just' a frock-wearing housewife like me, but you too have a sense of something else, but either shove it under the rug (like the government is doing with the "Jeane's First Blog Entry" National Holiday legislation), dismiss it as fanciful thinking OR have been so preoccupied doing what your local society silently suggests you should do, you do not even have the time to consider that the One who created might have something radically different and even MORE for you to do than you think yourself capable of. Oh, my friend, there is so much I do not know, but what I am certain of is that He specializes in using the unqualified.

(Yay! for us that know we are!)

Call me crazy, but I agree with Lou Holtz. And God.

"'For I know the plans I have for you', declares the Lord. 'Plans for peace and not for calamity, to give you a future and a hope. When you call upon Me I will hear you, when you search for Me you will find Me; if you seek Me with all of your heart.'" 

~Jeremiah 29

As for me, tomorrow morning I will don my 'mumu' and wear it with gratitude and pride. This is my ship to man, and man it well I will (with a considerable amount of help, from Above and those around me!). But it is not my lot in life. I don't even like the phrase 'lot in life'.  Life is an adventure on high seas, not a "lot", and I am simply seeking, sensing something more but waiting until the good Captain gives the nod, leading me onto unchartered territory.