Caught in the Act

If I did not know myself, and completely allowed my children-ALL of them-to create an esteem for myself, there would be a vast range of perspective.

Take for instance, last night.

Curt was working on a pipe that connected to a sewer pipe, and we were unable to use water for 2 hours. He came up from the depths (our basement) to announce this and that he would thus need me to run Rick to his Youth Group's Superbowl party. I would like to say that I sweetly complied, and happily changed out of my house 'frock' (really it was a velour sweatsuit that I wear JUST at home)...but no, I huffed and puffed and assumed the posture of a household martyr as I wearily climbed the stairs to put on something more presentable and perhaps a touch of bronzer, as I did not want to embarress Rick as I assumed I'd make a brief appearence at the party, just to touch base with the leaders, as established in the "Official Parent Handbook" page 297.

We are finally on the road, and it takes us about 15-20 minutes to get there. As we pull in the driveway...and I mean we have spent fractions of a second on the driveway, he leaps out of the car (with the bag of chips of two liters of soda I went out to get for him) and I think I hear him say "See ya later", but it was simultaneous with the slam of the passenger door.

Oh. Ok...well....I guess I WON'T be making an appearance. If I wouldn't have been so tired, I would have gone in just to make a point. But my impregnated body begged my mind to go home and crash on the couch, and that is precisely what I did. I took my brushed-on bronzed face (and white neck) home where they belonged. (Yes, I know...oh, my lucky husband. A hormonal woman with a brown face and white body. Attractive, isn't it?)

It was after Curt brought him home that, yet again, I realized what a dork I must appear to be at times. We all sat curled up in our respective "spots" on the recliner and sofa to watch the remainder of an unusually compelling Superbowl Game (and if you knew my limited like and understanding of this sport, you would know how generous a compliment that is). I will insert here that I also was reminded with startling clarity that teenagers, especially young teens, know everything. It is impossible for them to be wrong. I'm sure I was one of them at one time (so very, very sorry dad & mom). Any sports trivia, any opinions, etc. were all corrected upon the spoken word. In any case, when New York scored at the end of the game, I couldn't help but lurch my body up into a sitting postion and thrust my fist into the air in exuberant excitement for the underdog team who had just clenched a title that wasn't supposed to be theirs. Immediately I was mimmicked and mocked, and was told that I did that very same motion last year. It was on the tip of my tongue to tell him I did not watch the Superbowl last year, but I decided that I probably was wrong there too, so I kept quiet.

I write all this and it is true. However, I would be amiss not to include that I have a very wonderful stepson, who is still, even as a new teenager, a wonderful, sensitive and loving guy. He really is.

Fast forward to this afternoon...when, in front of my infant audience, I broke out into a homemade ditty that was composed of two Acts. Act One was a song about "Happy Harry" (a term I often use ) with exaggerated smiling and a dash of clapping. It made Annie and Christopher smile. Act Two consisted of a song called "Grumpy Gus" (another comparison term I often use as well) and very exaggerated wailing and crying. THIS Act was a smash hit. I have never heard my little guy belly laugh as deeply as he did for my closing number.

And with that, my self esteem was on the rebound.

You see, I have been given a great balance in this season of life....what mothering looks like in the future, and what it looks like when they're fresh out of the womb.

I truly do enjoy & love both....

And GOD HELP ME (and He will!!!) as I navigate these waters, as we all know that none of us came home from the hospital with the "Official Parenting Handbook". I'm still on the lookout for a copy. :)

The TREMENDOUS truth about my Heavenly Father is that I have no silly antics I need to perform, no obligations I need to meet, no 'look' or image I have to live up to, but He completely LOVES and ACCEPTS me, JUST AS I AM (I'm hearing an old refrain here...). That is a relief...especially when I really stop and think about it.

I hope you are having a good Monday and that God's total acceptance of you is real to you today.

I'm signing off for now...my audience awaits.