"D" is for....

Just the other day, an email appeared in my inbox from my favorite (albeit only) Great Aunt Reba. I know she quietly reads this blog out of the kindness of her heart, but it's only occasionally that I receive feedback from her. I appreciate any tidbits she sends, but this one particularly sent a shiver down my spine:

Hi Jeane'--

I saw a "Fashionesta" on TV saying that Dickeys ?? are BACK!!! 

Thought you ought to know!! Ha:-)

 Aunt Reba

For those of you who have only recently visited my humble little online cottage, allow me to share the reason for the shiver down my spine:

***

"D" is for....

(Originally Published January 2010) 

In digging through boxes that remained unpacked from our move, I came across several photo albums that contained pubescence scenes of old that I decided were best left deep in the eaves of our attic. Perhaps I will whip them out when the dip of my daughter's self esteem reach pivotal lows...and then I can show them what could be, and how relieved they'll be that this was not them (and almost sympathetic that their mother lived through such a fashion nightmare decade, and embraced it as though it were anything but).

There are several fashion scenes in my memories that induce an outright wince...pieces that should have never been introduced to me (or to anyone for that matter), but instead of having the good sense to run the opposite direction, I embraced these monstrosities and the humiliation that occurred as a result was well-deserved.

And so I present for your consideration: The Dickey.

The dickey is defined as such: A dickey (alternately written as dickie or dicky[1]; sometimes known as a tuxedo front or tux front) is a type of false shirt-front - originally known as a detachable bosom.

At a young and impressionable age in my life, I was presented with this 'wonderful' alternative to a full turtleneck and the way in which it was presented seemed to make complete sense to me. Why should one spend a long school day suffering under the immense heat produced from the wearing of 2 full toasty layers, when I could breeze right through it, cool as a cucumber in only 1 (and a quarter) all the while deceiving the eyes of the public into thinking there was, indeed, a full fledge turtleneck under my kitten appliqued sweatshirt! Oh the trickery that went on in the hallways of my Jr. High.

That is, until that fateful gym period in 8th grade.

You remember how it is walking down the high school hallway as a junior higher in between classes. It is absolutely thrilling and terrifying, as it is your small window of time to present yourself as the 'mature' and 'not just your friend's little sister anymore' self to the desirable high school boys darting from their lockers and classes. Oh, just to receive ONE little glance, one tiny quick shot of the eyes in acknowledgement that you merely exist. That was all I wanted. 

It's what I got, the day my dickey OVERLAPPED the sweater I threw on quickly after gym class. Oh the hot mortification that overtook me, starting at my scalp and ending at the edge of my toes, when I realized that I had walked tall and proud, unknowingly showcasing my bright white knit bib across my barely-there bosom AND back!!! 

Ohhhhhh....ahhhhhh!!!! Barely breathing in the haze of humiliation, I somehow fumbled into the perpetually body odor smelling girls locker room and with shaky hands, tucked my derelict dickey back into place and walked back out, afraid to look up lest I see the band of boys who had surely seen my fashion faux-pas. I was burning up, hot as the mid-day sun, even without that pesty second layer!!! 

That evening, when I got home, I buried my dickey in the depths of my underwear drawer next to the forgotten cotton undershirts where it stayed until the Goodwill gods took it away forever and ever amen.

I was hesitant to google 'dickey', for fear it would bring up an assortment of unsavory images that would leave my husband shocked if he found it in the search engine's history. But I did it anyway, and gratefully, everything came up 'clean'. Including an obscure little online shop that is probably the last of it's kind. They are the purveyors of everything Dickey. I am sure for those of you who may be in the market for such a functional piece of under wear, this is delightful news. However, you should note that this appeared on the top of the web page:

I will be away from the office from Jan 7th - Jan 20. If possible, please refrain from sending dickey inquiry eMails during that time, as my mail box will likely fill up, and your eMails lost. I will return and be ready to assist you on Jan 21st. Sorry for the inconvenience, and Have a Happy New Year! 

I can't imagine what his inbox will look like on the 21st. Filled to the brim. Especially since he has so many satisfied customer testimonials, touting his fine products. Take, for example, this letter of praise from a wearer named Richard:

10.17.09 - Dear Rick, I recently purchased several dickies from your website (HOT pink, popcorn, and cornflower blue). I was very pleased with the quality and craftsmanship of the faux turtlenecks! Since their arrival, I have worn a dickey daily and on multiple dates. I have been very successful with my new lady friends. I blame my past misfortune in the love department from a lack of dickies. I find your product highly satisfactory. I am considering stitching small rabbit caricatures on the top bit of the dickie. I will be using small cotton balls for the tails. I just wanted to share this idea with you in case you want to market it. Also, for Christmas I have thought about sewing a series of jingles bells in the shape of reindeer's. Many happy dickey wearing days, Richard

(I did not make this up, honest!! This website is real and you can visit it here.)

If you truly are a fan of the dickey, please do not allow my bitter take on them to cause you to think less of me. It's simply that my dickey (the cotton one, dear) failed to perform (ahem). I am sure they have their rightful place in the world. Just not in mine.

As for the other fashion faux pas...they are stories that will need to be saved for another day, as I am needing to leave in order to retrieve my 15 year old step son from school. While he is WAY cooler than I ever hoped to be, perhaps he had a humiliating walk through the hallways today and I will be able to better come along side of him, all because of a dickey.

***

 So, dear Aunt Reba, thanks for the heads up! While the "Fashionesta" sounds terribly credible (I am not aware of who she is, as I dwell in the Land of NoCable. Is she a cousin of Heidi Klum?), I refuse to take the bait and consider getting back under the flaps of deception.  Even if it leaves me 20 degrees hotter than the average dickey-wearer.

No way.

No how.
No dickey.

(Thanks anyway! But please do let me know when scrunchies and banana clips come back. I have a friend who is simply bursting with anticipation to bring back out of hiding her colorful assortment of overstated hair accessories!)