The Will of One

It has been so long, I feel like I should reintroduce myself.

Hi, I am Jeane',

a woman who lives loved by God,

is a Lucille Ball-type married to a John Wayne-sort.

I am a step-mama to one and a birth-mama to eight,

three of which reside on one side of heaven,

the other five, I am grateful to have on this.

I write not because I know anything,

but rather because therapy is too pricey for our 

budget, and pinning down thoughts somehow

seems to do the trick. For now.

Plus, I was recently reminded of a wonderful side-effect of blogging and I list it at the end of this post.

It has been a while since I foolishly promised to write a 

tongue-in-cheek type 'advice' column. Even though I have handled the self-assigned project like I did required reading in High School(I don't like to be forced to read or write), my lack of motivation has not been what has kept me from darkening the door of the Coffee Cottage. Rather, it was things like:

Last week, when every spare bit of energy and resource was devoted to this moment right here:

28 (plus some!) awesome woman-and one helpful "Amish" man- descended upon our premises for a night full of card-slapping fun, centered squarely on the love of a card-game with local roots-Dutch Blitz. I host one big party a year (typically), and this one was it. My sanguine needs were filled to the brim, and have been laid to rest. Until the next irresistible party idea arises at the same time my memory of how challenging it was to keep the house clean with five at my feet has faded.

Then there were the usual moments....

...And a tearful goodbye. Every member of the family was in the backyard for support as the three and a half year old begrudgingly sent off her Nuk by way of helium balloon. (I know! I know! Three and half might seem old, but as far as I was concerned, she could have had it right up until kindergarten! She wasn't the only one crying as it sailed up into the clear, blue sky, narrowly missing our neighbor majestic maple.)

 

 This brings me to the point of this post: The Will of One.

She this little one?

Whenever I go out and have the twins with me, I can count on getting the tired old phrase "Boy, you must have your hands full!" and I always WANT to say (besides, "Yes, but my heart is even more so!) is "You have NO idea!"...

Not because there are three more at home, but because our ONE precious little third-born  takes enough energy and gives reason for enough exasperation of the other FOUR COMBINED!

 Left to her own devices- which is all she wants at all times, and what I feel I am constantly battling - she would don her swimsuit year round. The above picture was yesterday at 7am. If I have successfully found a secretive enough hiding spot for her suits and she cannot locate one, then she would then prefer either her birthday suit or her Halloween finery. If none of that works, she will put together an outfit that screams "hoochie mama".  Her unrelenting will is not limited to clothing selection.

It was Winston Churchill who said "the only thing we have to fear is fear itself". 

As it turns out, he was several generations short of meeting one who laughs in the face of fear. This will equip her to go great distance in life, but in the short-term makes correction and discipline a bit of a challenge. The former sentence was what one might call a "gross understatement".

Last night, after the children were tucked in bed, I flopped onto the bed next to my husband, deflated with yet another day in which I felt completely useless as a mother to this feisty little spirit. In a completely exhausted tone, I muttered,  "I do not know what else to do! Not everyone has a child like this, hon. Or else there wouldn't be play dates and trips to the zoo or any such activity that requires relative submission (just relative...not perfect!). I don't know...maybe I need to go to a Parenting Conference or something (which, if you know me, I am not one to flock to conferences or retreats. At all. For me, I was sounding desperate). He wisely let me say it all, suggested that while I have valid points, perhaps I need a new perspective and to quit trying what doesn't work (which is everything).

And let me make this perfectly clear, lest my lamenting suggest otherwise:

There is NO ONE I would rather change for, fight for and learn to ways to love than

this little strawberry (see picture below)...no one. She is worth every tear, every white hair and every moment when I feel like either shipping her or myself off to a convent in hopes for a happy conversion to a constant contented spirit.

When she feels life is going her way, she is an absolute DE-LIGHT. By far, she is our most helpful child, quick to fulfill a wish, even an off handed one. She will see a need and will act quickly to meet it. She has the most brilliant, sunny smile and I can see her being a friend to many who really need one. She'll have the confidence to fulfill God's mission for her life and I feel for the person who tells her something is impossible.

If I start thinking ahead, I get quite excited.

But right now in the years of molding, the exasperation can make the future seem quite foggy.

 ALL this is why I was so pleased to receive an email in my inbox from a reader I do not think I have 'met' before, pointing me to this devotional. If you have a child like my little spirited one I've described, I highly suggest taking a moment to read. As I wrote in my response to this post: It's like a birthing coach coming along side of one during the throes of childbirth and reminding us to breathe.

It was God-sent and reminded me that blogging is not a merely one-sided format in which the writer needs to write about answers she doesn't have. Thank you to the 'friend' who sent me such a timely message from a woman who has been there and thank you to the rest of you who are patient with my recently sporadic blog posts!