Double Yolk Eggs (& other surprises)

This morning the first egg I cracked open was of the double yolk variety.

On most mornings, this would be nothing more than a barely noticed oddity.

But on this particular morning, it held a striking symbolism and a clear reminder that my yesterday was not a dream.

*****

It has been over a month since I have posted anything. I am ok with that. Blogging is not something I beat myself over if I am not as consistent as I would like. Lately, most days it is enough that they children are alive and relatively unscathed at the end of the day. You see, on March 12, after denying that my extreme exhaustion, bloated belly and intense food cravings were simply PMS symptoms, I finally called my dear husband and requested that HE stop at the local CVS and pick up a test of the 'pee-on' sort. He did (and bought the 'good brand', no less! We did not want to tamper with questionable results of the Dollar Tree brand).

Sure enough, two flaming pink lines came bursting forth.

Wow.

And this, after we thought we were so faithfully doing our part to keep another pregnancy practically impossible!!

5 children, 4 of whom will be age 3 and under?

Wow.

God help me.

(And I knew He would).

I was in no hurry to call the doctor, but i finally decided I would kind of like to know where I am at in this process. An April 6th appointment was made.

Yesterday I went in to the same doctor's office in whom I have now spent countless hours going in and out of over the years...sometimes with great sadness, sometimes in great weariness and many times in a thankful spirit.

As Curt and I walked out of the door yesterday afternoon, we found ourselves walking away in great shock and surprise.

For they did not find one heartbeat.







They found TWO!!!!


If I recall correctly, I kept saying "NO WAY!!!!!?!?!?" about 20 times.

Putting aside the wearying thought of adding two more to the three little ones staying at my mom's, the sight of two little perfect embryos floating around inside me was nothing short of miraculous. Unbelievable. Once in (not every one's) a life time.

6 children, 5 of whom will be age 3 and under.

I am still processing this information and while I am totally surprised, I am also grateful. I do not take these lives for granted one little bit. I take them as from the hand and heart of God.

I recognize that someone very dear to me, who found out she was pregnant at the same time I did, has had to give up her dreams for this child, as she experienced the loss of miscarriage and she is NEVER far from my thoughts and I wonder why her?? She is an exceptional mom... and I struggle with the unfairness of why a neighbor/friend who has for so long wanted a child and is unable to conceive and here I am....

In talking with my grandma this morning, we went over the two sides of a pregnancy loss...and I've been on both sides. It is, by far, harder to be on the 'one who lost' (although I do not care for the word "lost", for I believe with all my heart that those children are anything but 'lost'...they are totally alive and found in their Creator's great and loving care. The loss for the parent is the loss of the expectation for a life lived on this side of Heaven. And it's a sad, sad loss.)

And so I write, wanting to be sensitive to those who have or are experiencing loss in their lives...and yet wanting to share our surprising joy(s!) with you. If you haven't heard from me, you might now have an understanding as to why.

The exhaustion has been my strongest symptom. To sit down on the couch any time past 8 means to resign my eyelids-and my entire being- for the night. My entire body just wants to shut down and I think "Oh, dear Lord, HOW will I do this all again tomorrow?"

And you know what? The next morning comes,
and along with the sunrise, He faithfully serves up the strength to get it done!

I'll try to be more 'regular', as life will be getting even more interesting around here...It might be my only outlet for sanity!! :)

PS. They gave me a due date in early November, but said most likely it will be earlier, depending on how this high-risk pregnancy goes.