The Tweezer: My Item of Choice

If you have not yet had your daily serving of useless information, read on and it will be served to you on a silver platter.


What's the weather like in your neck of the woods? It's a rainy, dark morning here...and I kinda like it! I put on a little Harry Connick Christmas music in the background for a splash of relaxing background jazz, pour myself a fresh cup of Joe and sit by the glow of a cozy candle. This scenario will probably last for about 5 minutes, and is only after I changed two incredibly gross diapers that were "code red' in their severity, causing me to submerge both children in sudsy bath water so they wouldn't smell like stale urine and poop when mom comes to watch them today (don't worry, I would have bathed them even if grandma weren't coming! Maybe.) After baths, they somehow seem primed for a quick nap and I always take advantage of that.


So, here I sit with a peach turban on my head as the first hurdle in 'getting ready' is to wash the hair. Sometimes there is a big pause between that phase and the next, so that when I take the towel off, my hair is dry and molded in a 'swept up do'. The next phase is applying the face. I believe I have made reference to that before. It's tedious to create facial features every morning, but I can do it now in 5 minutes or less. What I want to share with you this morning is my deep appreciation for a particular cosmetic instrument. You know those silly hypothetical questions sometimes posed to us by people such as myself? A question like, let's say, "If you were stranded on a desert island, what is the one thing you would want to have with you?". For me, it would be a tweezer. A good tweezer. That way, if they recruit a rescue to team and send them to retrieve a stranded woman, they wouldn't bypass me. Who knows what havoc would reek upon my chinny-chin-chin without a trusty Tweezerman??? I could see it now. The rescue team would come back on the ship and report "We saw nary a sign of a woman in distress. It was strange, though, as we could have sworn we saw a brunette-bearded Santa Clause attempting to climb a coconut tree. He must dye his beard during the off season".

I think the whole 'unwanted hair' thing occurred shortly after Eve took the first bite of the forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden. Right after she started getting cramps and before the opossum took such hideous form, Eve put her hand to her chin to ponder and discovered a thick, wiry black hair had popped through the surface. Oh that she had resisted! (and I doubt there was a CVS near by to pick up a silver solution!).

My mom always told me that it happens because I have 1.) German blood and 2.) brown hair. I'm not sure she has any scientific research to back that up, but I think I would have been much better suited with the name "Helga". On the upside, I do make a mean pork and sauerkraut dinner.


Now then, are you satisfied? Enough useless information for the day? Well, here, let me give you a tad bit of value in this posting: If you have had any type of hormonal changes lately, if you have brown or black hair, and if you are of German descent, I have a tip for you! When you are in your car on a bright sunny day, at a complete stop (otherwise it could cause an accident), pull down your visor or rear view mirror and take a gander at your face--ALL of it. If there are no 'escapees' at the surface or unwanted whisps glistening in the sunlight, you are safe and should make your face known to the public. If you can't see it in that light, in that mirror, you are good to go!


Now...go and have a great rainy (or sunny!) Tuesday. I'm going to bask in the quiet (with Harry serenading) for a moment longer.