How Love Gave Life to Grace and Hope....

Next week at this time, February 14th will be a day in the past. Some will receive red roses and a shiny red heart box of candy. Others will wish he would have remembered, and even a homemade card would have been sufficient. Some will sit in the company of someone they love and others will ask for patience in waiting for that man/woman they have been wishing for. Some will laugh with sarcasm at the day, and others will revel in it.

For me...well, ever since February 14th 2005, the day has held a much more significant meaning than Hallmark could ever produce in a card or commercial. It's the day our little girl, Hope, became even more alive in the presense of her Creator than she was in the confines of my womb. I carried her for several months, most of which a.) I did not know she was a 'she', although we had chosen the name "Hope" and b.) she had a 'condition' which there was 0% chance of her surviving birth-if she survived the pregnancy that far. Even with that sad information we found out on January 30th, we decided to carry her for however long she would stay with us. On February 14th, my husband and I went out for dinner at the place of our first date...and during dinner I just knew that she had made her entrance into Heaven. She had been suprising active the weeks and days up to February 14th...but on the day, there was little and then nothing.

I knew.

I delivered her 2 days later.

This experience occured after I had an ectopic pregnancy/surgery several months previous and before I had a miscarriage. Needless to say, it wasn't a walk in the park.

YET...

(and that "YET" is a big part of our history....)

YET, those experiences, those 'dark days' along life's path are a natural part of the journey. They should be expected, although certainly not wished for!! Life on this Earth will hold pain, tears, injustice and within those circumstances the pathway we are walking can get overwhelmingly and blindingly foggy...so that we can barely see the next step and have little energy to take it when we do.

Here comes the - for me, anyway- the beautiful part of my history. I call them "Lamp Lights along the Path"-they could be a bold or faint flicker of light, beckoning me to keep going...reminders that I was created by God who is intimately acquainted with the path I am on, aware of the snares and dangers along it, and is completely prepared to guide me down it...often with means and timing that are not my own!

Such is the case in every difficulty I've had in my short 30+ years. Our daughter Hope was-is-a gift beyond words to our life. She, more than anyone, brought me to a much more personal understanding of God's love and provision and compassion and specific care of ME. There are many stories I could share from that time, stories that represent "Lamp Lights" along my path. I came across one (of many) of them in writing when I was looking for an old email. I copied it below and if you care to read, please do!

* I have learned that when one is going through a particularly trying time in life, your senses tend to be heightened and you look to see something that reminds you that God is aware of your circumstances and still truly cares. I know He sends us thousands of 'little signs', but many times we are looking elsewhere...or too busy...or too downcast to look up and see them. And sometimes He's silent...but He's always there. And when your faith is depleted, He gives you that too.

And now here is a little story of God's care from my history, written in the spring of 2005...

I wanted to share a really wonderful (& true!) story with you that happened recently:
I remember a week or so after delievering Hope, I went to lunch with (my friend)Annie who , in the course of conversation, suggested that someday there may be a little girl that might, in some way, connect me to Hope and aid in my healing process. She simply suggested it, and unbeknownst to me, has been praying for that very 'meeting' every day since then, even though she was not quite sure why she was prayin g that way.

Then this past summer we had a family attend our church who had moved into Reading, PA from Oregon, due to employment. The father (Jayson) had been here for a month or so, finding a home for his wife (Patti) and 5 girls to move into. On the morning that the enti re family showed up at our little Sunday gathering, I was instantly drawn to the youngest member of their family-a baby girl! It struck me very odd, as there are a number of baby girls in and outside of our church that I have had a very hard time even being around (through no fault of their own, just my grief). But there was something about this darling little (chubby) girl (I love chubby!) that drew me to her.

In fact, I would so metimes sit behind the family in church-several rows behind. When th e baby would look back, we'd meet eyes and she would stay focused on me, laughing and smiling. (Of course i was flattered, but it me ant so much to me in ways I could not explain). Her name.... Grace.

The next part is even more amazing: I invited Patti over for coffee on my front porch last Friday, as the rest of her girls-with the exception of Grace-where in school. As we sat talking, I shared with her my unusual pull towards Grace and I asked how old she was. She said "6 months--she's a Valentines Baby".

I was stunned.

Valentines Day was the very day Hope went to Heaven (though I delivered her on the 16th).

I then asked Patti what time of day Grace was born. If you would translate the time zone difference from Pacific to Eastern time, it would have been 4:30pm EST. I clearly recalled that Hope had kicked hard all afternoon that day, until around 4:30 or 5pm. I knew deep down, after feeling no movement for the rest of the evening-when she was usually active- that she had been taken Home.

And here is this wonderful reality: On the day that symbolizes love and within the same hour that Hope went Home, God gave Grace...and it is at this point in my journey that I needed her physical presence to water my heart with encouragement.

Isn' t that so thrililng? I think so!