The Importance Of The Small-Scale

Hello, there!

Nearly two years has passed since I've opened the door to this proverbial cottage. It has crossed my mind now and again to dust off this negected space and try my hand at typing out my thoughts again, but it was only today I decided to go further and actually step over the threshold.

I don't know why today is the day, other than to say I'm finally comfortable with the fact that while there are more than enough words in the world, there is still room for mine and if need be, they will be delivered to those who might benefit from them. I've grown up in bits and pieces in the time I've been away from this space, bringing me to a place of personal freedom in accepting--even embracing (mostly)--who I am and what I can/cannot contribute. I'm glad for this, because at the very same time, I am doing my level best to keep a tight grip on my sanity on the daily. Speaking of which...

"When my children were babies and toddlers, I had so many more people over to my house! I did book clubs! Why, I hosted big themed parties and my friend circles were far wider. What happened? Shouldn't it have been harder then, when dirty diapers and baby gates were involved? I feel as though I have far less now capacity than I used to."

I had this basic conversation with three different (strong, high-energy, hard-working) women in a matter of days. We're all different, we all would say from past experience we are capable of multi-tasking fairly well...and we all have school-aged children , some on the cusp or now into their teen years. And we're not doing all the perphial things we used to do and (for me) unable to be a deeper friend to as many as I used to. Whatever happened?

The life is being sucked out of us, that's what.

(I'm KIDDING.)

(Kinda.)


I've been ruminating on this the past few weeks and one small conclusion I've come to is, at least in parenting, when my children were younger, it was a very physically demanding job without much mental stimulation (adult-wise), so I had to create that for myself. Between naps, early bedtimes and being entirely in control of their schedule, I pulled it off.  But NOW, ooooh Sweet Baby James, NOW I've got to call to attention every reluctant, dusty old brain cell for full engagment with hormonal-riddled human beings of the adolescent varierty. This oft leaves me with ZERO left over energy for anything other than a glass of cabernet and a date with Frasier or the intense desire to stare at the ceiling with no one saying any words in my general direction, two miles out.

Times have changed. Apparently, this is what time does...and we flex and grow, morph and shrink along with it.

While I've made great strides in accepting this particular season in life, it's not unusual for me to be wisteful for the days where I could invest more in people or jump at any chance thrown at me (and oftentimes, by me). Where I used to be able to see and have space for a large swath of life and living, these days I feel rather near-sighted. The big picture is my natural lens, but in the present I can only see what is right in front of me, and doing that thing is an act of faithfulness. I'm less quick to sign up, invite in or extend myself. I'm an extrovert growing up in a season of limits. It's not bad, it's just different...and sometimes, blah.

One of the perks of growing older is discovering true life, liberty and pursuit of happiness is found on the small scale. Big scales can be wonderful if that's part of the path charted for you (which it well may be for a time), but true contentment isn't found in the "big" moments or in the center of extra-cirriculars. Any big-scale experience worth having is one parked by the curb of a home of a contented heart. Nurture the heart, flame contentment and let the wind blow where it may. Just as this season has come upon me, it will leave, and a new one will begin. If I'm not solid within, I'll be aimless without.

***

Another reason writing has gone by the wayside is my desire for neat tidy endings and yet I do not write fiction, so it is not entirely possible for me to construct one with my intergrity intact. I don't do pat answers, how-to's (except maybe in jest!) or write to impress. I simply write what I'm learning, unlearning, letting go of and holding close along the way. Maybe you'll relate, maybe you won't. That's ok. I'm mainly showing back up here because I have a nudge to and usually the person who benefits the most from the pinning down of my thoughts is me.

If you are one of the rare people who haven't had their fill of words, and would like to subcribe to my humble little abode here, there's a space above to sign up. Either way, go in peace and may you feel loved and understood today.

Warmly,
Jeane`