Serenity How.

Setting the Scene.

(How Things Appear)

I submit to you the two pictures I posted on Instagram today,
this the first half day of Summer Break 2016:

As it appears, and as it is, we are two long-time friends in our late thirties, christening the good 'ole summertime with icy Starbucks coffee drinks, bright smiles and a neck-up selfie taken from on high (on purpose and thanks to my extraordinarily long appendages). The second picture involves our two cuties who share the same first name and who played so sweetly together.

All in all, these pictures, while genuinely happy, show nothing of what really went down the first four hours of Summer Break 2016.

Behind The Scenes. 

(what really went down)

Janelle and I share a long history and I love her so much. Since we've had children, I've always had a convincing suspicion she's done a much better job at producing well-mannered, quiet and peace loving children, even though are families aren't around each other enough to either confirm or deny it. We now reside in the same school district, and although our children are in different elementary schools within that district, our children all had half-day last days. Being quite comfortable in our friendship, I had suggested celebrating the last day of school at their perfectly adorable backyard pool. She graciously welcomed the idea and we exchanged texts declaring our anticipation for this time together. I wrote her "my children will be over the moon about this!".

After savoring every blessed second of school-time peace today, the children burst through my reverie at approximately 1:30pm EST and I welcomed them with open arms, exclaiming the great news that we would be celebrating the completion of another school year at the pool of our dear friends. Cheers erupted and everyone eagerly ditched their backpacks in exchange for their swim gear. They were, indeed, over the moon.

Barely ten minutes into the drive, I realized it was a full moon they were jumping over after suggesting a stop at Target for a few new beach towels and flip flops, since I could only find a few thread-bare towels and an odd number of sandals.

"MOM! Come on! That's no way to start summer break by dragging us into a store!"

"Yea! He's right! Go when it's just you!"

Oh. I see. {Grips steering wheel tightly}

PARDON ME for infringing on this school ending-celebration I thought up and am driving you too! How very RUDE of me.

I should have known this would be the last time they agreed on anything. These complaints ushered in a downhill slope of intense fighting between all peoples located in the middle and back sections of the 2007 Toyota Sienna. At one point, I dramatically pulled my phone from it's purse and loudly called upon Siri for assistance:

The request provided a lull in the arguing and I took the opportunity to launch into the now-yearly "I Want To Have A Great Summer As A Family But It's Up To You" speech (from which no one has ever had a come-to-Jesus moment).

As our sexy van turned onto the road of our destination, I told them this (because I somehow believed this to be true):

"These children whom we are visiting are VERY NICE, PEACE-LOVING PEOPLE. They are not used to fighting and if they see five hooligans spilling out into their pool who are fighting and full of unkindness, they will be VERY SCARED. SO BE NICE AND BE CALM!!! OR WE WILL NOT BE INVITED BACK AND WILL BE NAPPING THE REST OF THE SUMMER AFTERNOONS!!!!!"

****

I walked up to my beautiful friend whose voice is as welcoming as her hug. I tried to appear more up-beat about the the new summer freedom (read: lack of peace & quiet) than I felt and without skipping a beat she clipped, "Come on in...don't mind the child in the gazebo. One hour in, and we're already on our first time-out."

Immediately, I loved her even more and felt my body relax (including the belly under my tankini I was trying to suck in).

Within minutes, our children were splishing and a'splashing. It felt like the good old summertime we wanted for our children whom we love. We snapped the above shot of ourselves, with me  invisibly blocking out the sound of my son repeatedly whining about having to share a large inner-tube with his twin brother (life is SO HARD, Johnny, I KNOW!). We commented on our daughters playing so sweetly together, one older Annie  pretending with the younger Annie.

And then, the sound of a child panicked, choking on pool water ceasing all frivolity...and when he could finally talk, accusing his little brother of trying to "drown" him.  It was one of THEM. Not us. I was shocked (and I won't lie: relieved). My children stood around the pool with dripping crotches and confused expressions on their faces as they surveyed the scene. They had just been told these were a peace-loving, harmony-abiding people group they were visiting, but all evidence was currently to the contrary. The turf we were on felt very familiar. Like...ours.

It appeared we were all indigenous creatures from the same land, all belonging to an imperfect sect called HUMAN BEINGS.

And guess what? WE WERE! WE ARE! WE SHARE THE STRUGGLE!

We had moments of fun and moments of frustration. Life is a messy imbalance of "and's" and we're wise to allow both sides to co-exist. We have all of eternity to experience perfect. Here on Earth, it's a whole lot of balancing two uneven sides.

Janelle and I, even with our different family dynamics, were able to share the knowing of what it's like to be an imperfect human raising and loving and learning to discipline (smaller) imperfect humans. Against the beauty of a carefree summer day, we felt the heaviness of our human condition. And under a pool-side umbrella, we came up with no answers and plenty of empathy. We sliced up a big watermelon and went on with the afternoon because what else could we do? We're only human and sometimes consequences must wait while we figure out the next step.

***

Whether you're a person weighing in on a gorilla controversy or one looking over your neighbor's fence and hoping she's not judging you as she peers over on your side, or driving to the pool belong to a family you perceive as much more peace-loving than your own warring tribe,  KNOW THIS:

We are all human. We all have our battles.

Our perceptions are just that: perceptions, assumptions...not reality.

The truth remains:

WE ALL STRUGGLE, 

whether we're good at covering it up or assuming incorrectly (my default!).

This is why when we are looking for serenity-in summer, or any other season, the only way we'll begin to find it, is when we acknowledge and embrace the truth we are not alone in the struggle to live and love well.

This is how serenity starts.

We're all in this together. 

Summer-on, my friend.