In The Summer of Friendships

This week, I told two friends the same thing. One friend whose friendship trails back to our childhood and the other with whom a trail has been heavily traveled these past few years making it feel longer because of it's worn path. 

"I am feeling disconnected from my friends. All of them. And it's not necessarily a bad thing, it just is".

They both agreed. Yes, they too are feeling alone and also like me, tired. At the end of most days, it feels too much, the process too abrasive and unnatural of transforming into a thinking, interesting human woman who has anything more to say than Charlie Brown's invisible teacher. 

Even as I feel this disconnect, this sense of being hunkered down on my own domestic barge, I stand ever more grateful for the friends I consider close. At this moment, most of them are not close in proximity, not close in daily conversation and we aren't filling up Instagram with our sun-kissed faces at the beach for "girl's weekend" or anything of the like. These are the few women who I've packed in a lot of life with and when a season of life leaves us with little leftover energy to offer to those outside our four walls, these three things are the best gifts we can give to tide us over until we are released to give more:

Checks-In

The text, the voicemail, the Voxer that comes through that says "Just thinking about you!" with no undertone of obligation or guilt. It is water to a thirsty soul and it fills me up to get me through. A sentence or five...it doesn't matter. It's throwing in a life-line of care.

Expects The Best

I have also have (and often AM!) the dear friend whose "checking in's" are sparse. They are either like me and think about doing it a million times in a week but never get around to it, or they simply are immersed in their lives (perhaps they're in an entirely differently season with too much communication) and don't need it themselves, so it's not a priority. This is not a bad thing, it's just part of a season. The best kind of love, as it is written in the Bible, is one that expects the best. We don't hold a friend responsible for our negative assumptions. In a world of instant communication and the expectation for instant response, it is a breeding ground for false narratives to thrive. 

Doing What You Can, When You Can

Most of my closest friends and I are in a very similar season of life. And in the summers of this season, it's even easier to lose connection when life isn't as structured as the other parts of the year demand. I am at home with my darling little rugrats who I daily pray I don't ruin and offer the best of my energies towards that end (well, that and preventing us from dwelling in an all-out STY, of which I receive very little accolade, but that's another therapy session). At ANY time of the year, I know my friends would drop it all and come running for the big stuff. Beyond that, we are working our way through the daily little struggles and when we are given that extra burst of energy and sense a nudge to encourage, we do it...but it's not expected. And that release from expectation is a gift in itself. Just yesterday, a dear friend spontaneously stopped by my house with hydrangeas from her garden and I heated up some coffee and we talked on the front porch for an hour. It rarely happens, which made the entire experience even sweeter. Just knowing we wish it happened more is enough for now. 

Each life is it's own path. There are paths of others which travel a similar trajectory all our lives. Sometimes we wave across to each other, sometimes we have to shout due to the space in between and at yet at other times, we are close enough to reach out and hold hands. There are those whose paths suddenly converge with ours and they become familiar and beloved, sometimes as much as the ones who have been there all along. Sometimes they stay along with us to the end. Other times, we see our paths start to shift in direction and here, it can be a painful split. Yet, if we could see the map from above the clouds, we could easier accept that there is purpose, and even health, in releasing our fellow sojourners to go their own way. Grace upon grace upon grace. 

Friendship in the middle of life, in the center of seasons, can be tricky, often messy and frequently lacking. Yet it is always worth whatever effort we can put into it. Showering those we are closest to with no-strings check-ins, assuming the best about them and their intentions and giving them portions of our extra energy when we've got it are simply a few ways I've found to keep roots watered in a dry season. I would love to hear of any other thoughts on the matter.

Love to you!