Redefining A Tribe

I don't write often, but when I do it is usually because a.) a little free therapy is needed after a "real life" experience (see last post) or b.) I've been given a Divine nudge I can't ignore.

Today's post falls under the b.) category and it has to do with a word that means well, but more and more I get a little wary...and weary..from it. Maybe you do too.

No doubt you've seen plenty of messages like this:

This quote can often be found as the caption of a picture of a bevy of beautiful women, arms thrown around each other free from the context of every day life, under a string of lights at a cozy local restaurant or away for the weekend in an out-of-town inn or jamming it out at an old-school concert. The point isn't where, it is what: a group of women who have found safety and belonging in a circle of friendship.

Some times a tribe consists of the same women who have known each other a long time, or a short time, but they are somehow-be it geographically or historically- connected. Once or twenty times a year they all come together and enjoy the beautiful feeling of being knowing and being known. This is a lovely thing, not to be shamed but celebrated. Yet, when looking at such pictures, one can feel the chilly wind of discontent when you cannot copy and past the same scene in your own experience.

The aforementioned tribe is not a bad thing. It is a GREAT thing. It is, I believe, what women need. We need each other. In no way do I want this post to be taken as one finding fault with the above scenarios. The message here is not "but"...it is "and".

Here is the and...

Some times a tribe is made up of only two people. Or, in my case, a tribe is made up of women who rarely (if ever) interact with each other, never get together in one place and have no ties with each other, other than the fact that they are a part of Jeane' Miller's lifeline. I might not have pictures to post of all of us looking darling during a weekend away all together, but I have phone logs showing that when I called Annie at 9am last Wednesday, she picked up and listened, laying down her schedule to speak Truth into my spirit. She lives in New York, and often times we go for months without talking (texting is another story) but she's as near and dear a member of my "tribe" as I could possibly ask for.

Tribes aren't about numbers.
Tribes aren't about excursions.
Tribes aren't about show.

Tribes are for cherishing, even if you only have one other member.
Tribes are for including, when you feel you have met someone God knew you needed on this leg of the journey.
Tribes are for quietly having your heart watered by the honest feedback, raucous laughter and the knowing that even if you aren't having sleepovers and artsy excursions to prove it, you are known and loved by another, even in spite of the weaknesses you've exposed. Your spirit is the litmus test for a healthy tribe, not the number of pictures you have of each other.

***

Friendships change. This is a hard truth that can feel personal. Sometimes it is, most times, it isn't. Friendships change because seasons of life change. Not so long ago, I was able to be a much better friend to far more people. Because of my personality (Enneagram 7/Sanguine/ENFJ), I often feel badly for not being what I used to be to many amazing women I hold dear and think THE WORLD of. I really wish I had more of myself to extend. Yet I am in a season of life where more is demanded of me emotionally and mentally. When my five children were younger, I was physically exhausted but determined (and delighted) to exercise my right to remain an interesting human woman and devoured time with friends since I had the margin to do so. It's different now. And that is just how it is. Instead of feeling defeated by it, I'm looking for the gold in it.

The gold is, I have many amazing women in my life. Some I talk to often, some hardly at all (still feel badly about that). I've also got a tribe who God has piece-mealed together for me. It's small, but it's mighty. It neither travels together nor knows each other well for the most part. They might not be Instagram worthy, but they are worth their weight in gold.

So.

That's it.

If you have a tribe of women-- be it one or five, two or twenty--celebrate it! But just remember that tribes take on all different forms, and perhaps the group of women you're waiting for are already there.

Much love,
Jeane`