Surviving Your Oregon Trail.

This was just yelled into me from the living room:

"MOOOOOOOMMMMMYYYY!!!!"

This was just softly replied yelled back from where I am:

"No. The answer is NO! You may NOT have another snack, you do NOT need water, I am NOT your hand-maiden. Do NOT call my name again".

"Mo-"

"Nope. Not hearing it."

As I type out this conversation unedited, I take pause as in the back of my mind I visualize articles I've seen posted, written by sweet women who extol the (worthy) virtues of nurturing, listing verses and handy downloads with cheery graphics to keep in our back pocket as we go about motherhood. There is a good word written by many a good woman, that I would do well to take to heart.

But sometimes.

Actually, many times, I just want to hear a sister say:

I don't care how awesome of a mom you are, how strictly you follow a schedule, the Bible, the notes from best Parenting Conference Ever or how many sweet little verses you have about Jesus & love pasted on your fridge, you will have moments (and if you have a bigger, louder family like mine-many of them) when the accumulation of months and years of the listening to tattling, bickering, begging, whining, screaming through the grocery store, incessant requesting for snack, lack of gratitude and general hovering over every. freaking. step. you. take. WILL MAKE YOU WANT TO RUN FAR, FAR AWAY. Or SWEAR. Or DRINK. Or ALL OF THE ABOVE.

Listen friends, for me, motherhood is the best thing that has ever happened to me and it is the thing that has simultaneously revealed the lunactic that lurks just below the surface. I was born with a selfish instinct and motherhood is a battle against nature. No wonder there is a nature vs. nurture battle going on!

I have been working through my issues that are impeding my ability to love my occupation (mother) and someday, if my thoughts organize themselves enough, I want to share them. My issues often unfairly affect my children and I need/desire to take ownership over them. That's another post. Not this one. 

This one is simply to offer my empathy to the woman whose voice raises more than she likes, frustrations run deeper than she feels is "normal" and yet feels that truly, children are to be LOVED DEEPLY but not set in the center of the universe, replacing all sense of self and sanity.

For those of you having "one of those days/weeks/months/years", I offer you this:

Consider these children:

 Do you think they got a snack every hour on the hour? 

Do you think their mama's where comparing how they got schooled, how many books they read in a day and what kind of chore chart system they were using?

No. THEY WERE JUST TRYING TO SURVIVE THE FREAKIN' OREGON TRAIL. And some days, so are we. Let it be ok, and take a deep breath, knowing that loving your children and being the perfectly measured mom are not the same thing. Half of the stuff that we fret over are "extra's" that come from living in the land of excess. Some days (ok, weeks and months), it feels like you're crossing a treacherous pass and it's enough to just get through on to the next.If your children know you love them at the core, it's ENOUGH. YOU are ENOUGH.

Love,
Jeane`




~An afterward for my darling mother, grandmother of my children, who will read this, worry that her daughter has finally lost it and offer to pick up the children indefinitely: You know I love my children more than my own life. They are tended to more than most children ever will be in this world. This post is simply an alternative for perhaps a stray woman having a hard time loving her role today, feeling guilty about it and looking for a read that doesn't offer a neat and tidy solution. One that just says "I totally get it".